yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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