Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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