Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
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Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
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Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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