So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
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did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
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My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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