Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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