Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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