You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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