wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize