Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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