I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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