Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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