My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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