I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize