if i can run in heels then i can drive
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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