i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
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I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
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