I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
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I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
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I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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