I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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