He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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