I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
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he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
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One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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