good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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