Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
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I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
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If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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