Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
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you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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