Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
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But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
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I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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