she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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