I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize