i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
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drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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