Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
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Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
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They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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