First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize