I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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