Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize