U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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