She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Your cock deserves a montage
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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