I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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