8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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