She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
ttyl tear gas
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize