she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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