I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize