he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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