Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize