: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My ATM looks so different sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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