she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
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Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
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Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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