my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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