the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
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Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
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I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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