apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
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What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
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If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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