highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
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Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
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An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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