he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
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we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
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well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Im part way to drunk.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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