remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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