Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize