Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
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Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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