I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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